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Bach: The Selected Tweets Translated from the German by Achtung Weinerreimer

Trey Reely | August 2013


    Musicologists have long suspected that despite his conservative bent, Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750) did avail himself to the latest trends from time to time. His recently discovered Twitter account is a case in point. His Tweets, typically well below the 140 character limit, provide concise but fascinating insight into his feelings. Because most of his comments were made very close to actual events, they are free from personal editing that could have been made at a later juncture.
    His first known tweet was in 1703 after trying out a new organ, and his last known tweet was written in 1749 a few months before he died. He is believed by most scholars to have had 632 followers, mostly members of the Bach family tree. Numbers were relatively modest due to his limited provincial fame and the fact that Germany was relatively slow in accepting the internet.
 
J.S. Bach @JSBach
Tried out a new organ in Arnstadt. Sweeten! #organmeister
3 July 1703

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Sealed a new job with a handshake in Arnstadt. #easygig
14 August 1703

J.S. Bach @JSBach
The boys in my choir behave like #imbeciles but they make up for it by singing terribly!
30 August 1703

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Chicken for supper! Mmmmmmmm. #bachbachbachbach
12 September 1703

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Just contracted a major headache after listening to imbecile bassoonist. Thought a nanny goat had invaded the rehearsal. #bachache
2 August 1704

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Bassoonist Geyersbach lucky I didn’t stab him! Can’t even walk the streets without wacky woodwind players accosting me. #bachworsethanbite
4 August 1704

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Walking to Lubeck to hear organist Buxtehude. #bachwach
18 October 1704

J.S. Bach @JSBach
My feet hurt. #longwach
22 October 1704

J.S. Bach @JSBach
#Buxtehude rocks!
15 November 1705

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Might be neat to replace Buxtehude after he retires.
15 November 1705

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Thirty-year-old daughter part of package deal. #Forgetthat!
16 November 1706

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Muhlhausen. Got married today to Maria Barbara. #Kissingcousins!
17 October 1707

Author’s note: In 1708 Bach accepts a position in Weimar where his first six children are born.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a girl! #babymaker
29 December 1708

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a boy! #bach2
22 November 1710

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Twins! #bach3and4
23 February 1713

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a boy! #bach5
8 March 1714

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a boy! #bach6
11 May 1715
J.S. Bach @JSBach
I was called a famous Weimar organist in Das beschutzte Orchestre! #bachrachs!
21 February 1717
Author’s note: In September 1707 Bach was in Dresden, where he challenged the French keyboardist Louis Marchand to a little Baroque “dueling banjos.”

J.S. Bach @JSBach
#Marchand runs away. What a #wimpen!
18 September 1717

Author’s note: Duke Wilhelm had Bach imprisoned for stubbornly demanding his release from service.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Prison food. Yech! #bachblech
7 November 1717

J.S. Bach @JSBach
New job in #Cothern!
7 November 1717

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a boy! #bachtothefuture7
17 November 1718

Author’s note: Bach’s first wife, Maria Barbara, died in July 1720. His new wife, Anna Magdalena, was 16 years younger than he was.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
I still got it! Married again! #bachinthesaddleagain
3 December 1721

J.S. Bach @JSBach
New in Leipzig. Teaching some Latin. Yech!!
16 May 1723

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It’s a girl! #bachtothefuture8
1 June 1723

Author’s note: Bach went on to have 12 more children, this last one tweeted in 1742:

J.S. Bach @JSBach
It is finished. I think. I hope. She really hopes.
22 February 1742

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Literally flipped my lid today! Threw my wig at an organist who should have been a cobbler! Lucky for him I missed. #bachinations
14 December 1731

J.S. Bach @JSBach
They say I played too long today. I’ll show them! #getoffmybach
17 February 1735
 
J.S. Bach @JSBach
I hope they enjoyed the Reader’s Digest version today! They wanted short, so I gave them short.
24 February 1735

J.S. Bach @JSBach
I wish people would let me do my job! #getoffmybach
August 15 1736

Author’s note: It may be unfair to consider Bach primarily a grumpy old organist. Some tweets show a lighter side of Bach not seen in surviving written correspondence, which tends to chronicle disputes of one kind or another with his employers.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
I have enough kids to have my own vocal and instrumental ensemble. Eat your heart out Partridge family!
25 December 1730

Author’s note: There is no evidence that the family toured Germany in a funky-colored carriage.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Practiced wig tossing today. Threw one twenty yards with great accuracy. Organists beware!
14 December 1731

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Hope to see all my peeps at the Christmas Oratorio tonight! It’s good enough to make even a Lutheran smile!
25 December 1734

J.S. Bach @JSBach
Directed choir at funeral today. Wish there were more funerals so I could pay more bills!
16 April 1737

Author’s note: The frequency of Bach’s tweets diminished over the years, likely because of eye problems that may have begun around 1745 and worsened until his death on July 28, 1750.

J.S. Bach @JSBach
I’d rather listen to Geyersbach on bassoon than sit for a portrait again.
24 March 1746

Author’s note: This was his last tweet.

For a more complete discussion of Bach’s tweets, particularly in reference to his compositions, see the article “Das Musical Tweetums and Ubernamens of J.S. Bach” by Wilhelm Schlobberknocker in the January issue of the Zeitschrift Anachronischen.